How abnormal is my husband's relationship with his mother?

(I posted this previously and accidentally closed it out, but wanted to get a few more opinions)








I met his mother when we flew up for the funeral of his aunt (his mom's sister). He had warned me that his family were ';kind of hillbillies'; Which I thought was no big deal as I didn't grow up privileged, don't have a great education, and certainly am not wealthy now.


When we got of the plane we went directly to his cousins house and upon entering i was confronted with several relatives of my husband's all of whom had been drinking. His mother briefly hugged me and the pushed me aside to greet her only child (my husband).


we all sat down and she immediately started demanding my husband buy her a new phone as the one he had just bought her wasn't the one she wanted. (mind you this was a very expensive phone and HE pays the bill) he apologized to her and jumped up to make her a cocktail.


the next ten minutes was spent with her practically sitting on his lap pretending not to understand how to work her phone and leaning in to his face and playing with his hair. I decided to go outside for a smoke and they followed. Where they begun to refer to each other using pet names like ';darling'; and ';sweetie';. She held onto his arm the entire time and lit his cigarettes for him.


Once inside again she went into a furious rant about how her surviving sister wanted to sing a song at the funeral, which was the next day, and she was not going to allow it, I innocently asked ';what song was she wanting to sing'; and my mother in law turned to me with the most venomous hate I have seen in ages and loudly said ';IF YOU ASK I WILL ***** SLAP YOU';


I don't come from a family that uses this kind of language, particularly around people we have just met, so I was horrified and said nothing the rest of the night.


At the funeral she insisted on sitting between us and picked pieces of hair off his jacket and caressed his hair and face for a solid 30 minutes. while he continue to call her sweetie and darling.


It left me feeling sickened, and concerned. I tried to point out to him that this seemed weird and he blew me off. Am I over reacting?How abnormal is my husband's relationship with his mother?
I don't think you're overreacting. That is definitely a bit bizarre for a mother/son relationship. Only problem is, you will never be able to change it. You are going to have to decide if you can deal with it or go find someone new.How abnormal is my husband's relationship with his mother?
Very abnormal, and you are under-reacting. I can't believe he petted her and called her darling right after she spoke to you that way.





I hate to say it, but you should have met them before marrying.
yes, weird.....and if she is that weird you can bet he is too
Wow! That just rubbed me the wrong way!! Maybe they used to hook up or something....maybe she gave him his first HJ/BJ! Thats sick!








And I think you forgot the ';L'; at the beginning of your name...just sayin'
Too strange for words!


Hope you never have to lay eyes on that bunch of weirdos again.


Advise: Keep your money in a separate account - don't lump it in with his!
No, your not over reacting. There are major attachment issues here. To give it the benfit of the doubt perhaps she is grieving from her lose. But you really need to tell your husband that what his mom said was uncalled for. I would just limit family visits.
wow, that's extremely upsetting to me. First of all, i don't see why your husband wouldn't say anything when his mom said that to you! That's rude and the way that he acts around her is very odd to me, you don't call your mother ';sweetie'; and ';darling';, you call your kids those things or your wife! How often does she see her son? That might have something to do with it, it also seems like shes jealous of you. Maybe that you married her son, many mothers get that way and treat there daughter in law or even if it's just there sons girlfriend, they'll treat them badly. Has she always acted this way towards you and her son? - you are definitely not over reacting, try talking to your husband again, saying you don't understand why they act this way, and that you feel left out. If he could try to help, and maybe talk to his mom for you. I really hope this helps you..
You are not over reacting,but sure they are not ur type of people u like to be part of them,
You married someone whose immediate family you hadnt met? Dont make the same mistake next time.
Hes a typical mama's boy who nobody will ever be good enough for her. Its not normal behaviour for her to act to YOU like that but to him yea if hes her only child and such. Its really ashame she had to treat you like that and i think as long as she doesnt treat you like crap then its ok i mean if shes a ****** to your husband too then hell hafrta find a way to stand up to her but hes prob used to this his whole life and thinks its normal
VERY WEIRD! You are not overreacting at all.


That is gross actually. The problem is, like everyone else said, it's not going to change. You should have met his family before you got married. Marriage is not only about you and your spouse, but you are also joining his family.





You will just have to get used to it!
i think you should leave him. he's a mama's boy you'll eventually leave him
';kind of hillbillies';!?!





Wow!!





But it does get cold in the hills at night...








RUN!!!!
Your husband needs to grow some balls and quit enabling her drinking. Tell her your husband to get one of those very basic cell phones that are made for senior citizens. The more modern cell phones may be very frustrating to her and may have functions that she doesn't want or need.
Sounds like the family was pretty drunk, and that can turn some people nasty. Her flirtatious behavior toward her son might be her ';drinking personality'; coming out.





He blew you off, because - well, what could he say? She's his mother.





No, I do not think you were overreacting, though. I would think that and more. AND I would not volunteer for a repeat performance.
so you married him without ever meeting the woman





weird how they interact,
Ok that is just plain creepy. Getting past that, which I am having a REALLY hard time doing...the fact she spoke to you that way in front of him and he said NOTHING? THAT is insane! Sounds like when mom is around you are nothing, to him OR her. If things are happy in your home, then I wouldn't worry too much about it being it sounds like mom is not close to you all. I'd bow out of any family ';get togethers'; in the future or you may have to really face this frightening issue.
Sounds a little like my husbands family, only they pretend to be wealthy Italians. She's always drunk. She was sitting in ';Santa's'; lap flirting with her daughter in law's father, with his wife standing right there. The day she met me she called me a whore. Then she invited my husbands ex-wife to meet me. Then she screams at me because I buy 2% milk for the children, saying I'm trying to starve them by not buying whole milk. His grandma said I should have gotten an abortion because he will always love his first wife better than me. (My husband and his ex-wife have no children together. I met him a few years after his split with his previous wife.) And the grandmother told me that Hitler ';missed'; my best friend (she isn't white). Maybe our families are related.





I suggest moving far away from them. My family moved 1600 miles!!!





About the touching, etc, I think she is desperate for love. She is just treating him like her 4 year old child he once was. The drastic turns in attitude just means she's a lousy drunk.
of course you are not over reacting, that is very abnormal. when she swore at you he should have said something. she is off the wall, either you guys stay away from those people or you have decision to make. i would talk to a pastor for advise if i were you. he should be around Godly normal men who don't act like that around mom.
Definitely strange behavior on both sides. I do think it is good that your husband thinks so highly of his mother and shares a close bond with her. I just think calling each other ';sweetie and darling'; is not what you should call your mother. Why was the funeral the first time you have met his mother? Is it because of the distance of traveling, she didn't come to your wedding? You voiced your opinion to your husband and he according to you ';blew me off ';. How did you approach the subject with him? What I mean is this. Were you calm and respectful, or just griping because she used bad manners cursing at you? To your husband it may be perfectly normal behavior. To you totally abnormal. You must respect your husband feelings toward his mother even if you don't agree with them. Sounds to me like you won't be spending a lot of time with her and the rest of the clan so I wouldn't make to much of a fuss. He was wrong for not paying attention to you while you were speaking. He should have listened to you and then gave you his feelings on the subject. Best to agree to disagree.
This is weird, very, very weird; might have been more than a mother, son relationship before he left home. There's a saying in the South; goose is goose and genney genney; cousin pus...better than any!! Maybe that's the way his family goes!!
Are YOU over reacting? NOT in a heartbeat! This is total abnormal behavior between mother %26amp; son. They are not what I'd call ';hillbillies';, they are called totally over the hill abnormal between mother %26amp; son! I love my two adult sons %26amp; daughter, but to act like that towards them, they'd think I'd lost my mind! And to talk to you as she did when you simply asked the name of a song was totally off the wall! This is not by far your normal family in any way. I would have been ashamed to introduce my family to my wife for the first time %26amp; have them act as they did. Nothing she did twds. him was how a mother acts twds. her adult son. They acted more like a ';couple'; rather than a mother %26amp; son. She has to be mentally ill or something to act twds. him as she did. He has to know they are not normal to have made the remark to you prior to meeting them, but to walk into something like that had to make you completely quite uncomfortable to say the least! The only thing I can say is that you can be grateful they don't live close to you as there is no way I could begin to take a ';steady diet'; of that disgusting way of life...the best to you...:)
.When I read your question I was ready to defend mother and son's relationship but then when I read the rest of your question I was shaking my head in debrief. I have never heard of a mother/son relationship like that and I sure hope I never will again it sounds a little perverted to me. He is definitely a momas boy and she is definitely jealous of you big time. She was showing you who had more power over him and your husband played right into her hands. You will never convince him that his mother was doing anything wrong because that's the kind of behavior he is use to.
Hmmmmmmmm. Well maybe this is a little to much. She sounds like she doesn't want to let go. He acts like her doesn't want her to let go. They seem very close. It may be too close but she is her only child. She may resent you but this may be natural. It's not nice but it is what it is. It will be up to you to make a stand if you can. This is a hard thing because he is loving it. I will tell you this, if she ever slaps you, just slap her back. She has no right to do that. Good luck.