I come from an extremely dysfunctional family and I never learned how to open up to people?

My mom has insulted me from the time I was a child, I haven't ever been close to her, I lived with her from the time I born until the time I was 18. She has stolen money from me, manipulated me, lied to me, would take my things out of my room without asking, the list goes on and on. She uses my dad for everything. She inherited $300,000 from her mom when she died. She spent all of it in 8 years, and when she ran out of money, she just kept spending money she didn't have and told me she would just file for bankruptcy. She spent $100,000 she didn't have. When she tried to file for bankruptcy, in the court room the judge told her that if she did that they would take my parent's house. My dad decided to redo the mortgage on their house and pay for her debt instead. He's paying ALL of it FOR her. She has no job, she insults him on a regular basis, almost never cleans, she is 100% a taker.





I've asked him why he doesn't divorce her, and he said he doesn't want to pay her alimony. I can see that he just doesn't know how to get her out of his life. He's told me that he doesn't love her anymore and hasn't in years and years. My dad is such a nice person, it makes me so sad to watch him let her ruin his life.





Because of all of this, I haven't really been able to open up to anyone since I was 15 years old. I opened up to two of the best friends I had at that age, but now I'm just lost. I don't consider my mom to be a mom (I call her my ex-mom) so I have no mother figure. I have no one to tell my problems to, I feel so alone. I've had a boyfriend for a year and I feel so bad for him because I'm not a good communicator.





I clearly need to find a way to learn how to open up to people again and to make some close friends. I won't give up, I know one day it will happen.





In the future I'm going to talk to a therapist.





Does anyone have any advice for me?I come from an extremely dysfunctional family and I never learned how to open up to people?
Sounds as though you have just explained my entire childhood. I now have kids of my own and a hubby of ten years. He as well had a similar childhood. Opening up when a trust has been broken, or worse never was developed is hard. It is really a step by step process. You have to force yourself to take little chances on people here and there, and when they come through for you that is when you will feel more comfortable to take a bigger chance. But it is not something that will come easy to you or comfortably. It is something you have to willingly, and cautiously chose to do. I have learned that MOST people are good and will be loyal. And a small percentage aren't good and won't be loyal. But those people I quickly toss aside and focus on the healthy relationships I have. I have chosen to live a life opposite of what I was forced to live as a child. I have chosen NOT to let my parents poor parenting cripple me as an adult and I put myself out there so I can live life to the fullest!!!





Best of luck sweetie! You'll get there with a little faith and a lot of persisitence.I come from an extremely dysfunctional family and I never learned how to open up to people?
If you need someone to open to and listen to what you have to say, email me at nealllsn@yahoo.com
You may not see this but you have just opened yourself up more than most folks would. It is a good start. One thing to understand is you are afraid to get hurt and that is why you don't want to open up. If you think of it it is kind of like riding a bike. when you were learning you fell and hurt yourself but after you learned it you still rode the bike because it was fun and could take you places you had never been. The same is true when you start to trust people. It will be fun and it will take you places you have never been.
I had a similar upbringing and strangely my father inherited 300,000. My dad put all the money in her name, she hasnt worked in 26 years and doesnt care if she leaves him with nothing in the end. Silly for my dad to do that.





I have always had a bad relationship with my mother and while I do love my father very much I didnt treat him the way he deserved to be treated because he stayed with her after so many years of abuse. I blamed him for my miserable upbringing. I dont know if he loves her but surely he cant? She told him she was glad his parents died and they were just retarded anyway! and I remember being 12 and the only thing I wanted for christmas was for my parents to divorce.





Unfortunately when you inherit so much money it gets your head and all of a sudden you stop caring about things that mattered so much before. My dad never seemed happy with my mother and the reason he never left her was because he was such a decent guy he didnt want to just throw his wife and the mother of his 3 kids on the street with nothing to her name.





All these problems led me to develop conduct disorder, I was physically, mentally and emotionally abused by my mother over a 16 year period. I become abusive, violent and agressive and I was like that all through my childhood and adulthood. As soon as I moved out, I became a very different person. I decided the best thing to do was try my best not to end up like her when It came time to having a family of my own, which I do have now.





I was scared of having boyfriends and the friends I had were short lived thanks to me letting all my mothers own problems get to me. I couldnt open up to people, I was scared I would look like the bad guy and everyone hated ME even though my mother treated me bad infront of family and friends.





It sounds like your mother is suffering from a mental illness and really needs to seek help and so do you. The more you let this get to you, the more you will end up just as emotionally damaged as your mother...BREAK THE HABIT BEFORE IT BREAKS YOU. As for your dad, if I was him and I loved my children I would leave the mother, I would never let anyone harm my children in anyway and staying for the sake of the kids does more harm than good...probably why you are having trouble communicating with your boyfriend.





How you are in relationships depends on the relationship your parents had. It is why some people never get married or why some are in it just for sex...more likely their parents had a bitter break-up and are scared of going through it themselves. I would suggest councelling for all the family.

tvs

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