How would you approach this situation without setting an unstable person off again?

I'll try and keep this as short as I can because it is complicated. I used to be friends with a lady who lives in this building where I live, but this is before I found out what kind of person she is.


We used to hang out for coffee mornings with the other neighbours, talk about work etc and got each other through some difficult times. We did what most friendly neighbours did; buying birthday gifts for each other etc


But one day I made a terrible mistake that goes against my usual sensibilities. I was always taught ';neither a borrower nor lender be'; and always stuck to that, but on this particular day a few years ao, I was in a jam. I had been laid off from my job and was stuck for the rent that month.


She offered to help out and I refused, saying that I would try to find another way to pay it (maybe sell a piece of furniture or other item) but she was very persisitant. I told her that I didn't want to do that because I didn't know how or when I could pay her back - she told me not to worry about that. She pushed and pushed telling me that I could pay it back whenever I could and that it didn't matter. So I caved and took the offer.


It was hard because I couldn't find a job right away and I was receiving unemployment money, so I paid her in dribs and drabs as best that I could each week. Then one day things changed. I received a note under my door asking for the rest of the money. I went down to see her and explained that I was doing my best to pay it back. She seemed okay with that. Then came emails and notes containing things like ';if you want a peaceful life, if I were you I would pay it back. I need the money';. Each time the notes became more threatening, insulting and nasty. I kept them all in case things got worse.


I landed the job that I have now, and was in training. She came into the store and threatened me and my job but she did it in a way that didn't draw attention to her, so no witnesses. When I got home, I called the police and showed them the notes. She was told to stay away from me by the police and the landlord - it didn't work. The notes kept coming. She was becoming a bully.


When my tax rebate came, I paid her the rest of her money. But that wasn't enough for her. I came home from my mother's birthday last year and there was another note under my door but it was just insulting and dragging up things from the past - she was picking a fight because she had nothing to pin on me anymore. I lost it. I was so tired of the notes day after day, month after month that I took the note and threw it down the stairs where he front door is and yelled ';Stop with the notes, you f***ing b*tch';. She came out and there was a massive argument and I was telling her that she's got her money so she has no reason to even talk to me anymore let alone give me notes. That was the end of that - or so I thought.


My cat died last week and people around her knew how upset I was and I received a sympathy card from her under my door. I sent a thank you note - because I was always taught that is the polite thing to do and now, in her mind, she thinks we are friends again. I think otherwise, because I think she is a sociopath and do not want to be friends with her again.


At the weekend, I received another note from her inviting me to take a break away somewhere in August! I do not want to, as you can imagine and I don't want to make excuses because I don't think that will make her stop. I want to tell her why I do not want to go without being nasty or insulting but don't know how to drive the message home.


Any reasonable suggestions are welcome - what would you do?





Thank you in advance and sorry that this is so long, but I had to let you know what I am dealing with here.How would you approach this situation without setting an unstable person off again?
I think you should tell her face to face that although you appreciate the offer you don't want to go because of the recent trouble between the two of you. Tell her your happy just to remain neighbours and then just walk away. Also i think it would be a good idea to have a friend with you just in case she says something nasty then you have a wittness. You have to be honest with her though. Don't say anything she could take the wrong way.


Good luck.How would you approach this situation without setting an unstable person off again?
i have no idear
You have my sympathy. Dealing with someone as erratic and unstable as that is very difficult indeed.





One near neighbour appeared to be friendly %26amp; full of fun when she first moved in, in reality she was totally unhinged. She eventually attacked her next door neighbour by throwing eggs at her rear windows, she then turned her attention to me, leaving disgusting messages in large print on her car outside my house. Fortunately she left the area.





A while later an absolute hell cat moved in next door, she was foul mouthed %26amp; I became a nervous wreck. Someone nearby heard her %26amp; reported her behaviour to the police %26amp; though she received several visits from them she still kept on. Eventually I reached the point where I could no longer cope with the abuse so we put the house up for sale %26amp; moved out- this was from a loively neighbourhood I might add.





Reconciliation doesn`t work with mindless people like that %26amp; the police %26amp; authorities can only do so much. Better to find other living quarters.
Ok well let me say this first WOW you have went threw a lot with this women, so here is my answer to you. One you are going to have to talk with her about this because she is inviting you places and wanting you to do stuff. There for you cant just leave the peace of just letting it slide and staying away as much as you can. Try to pick a good time when you know she is in a good mood, simply say so there is something I would like to talk to you about with out you getting mad. Just ask (I was wondering what really happened for you to be so angry with me). Tell her this is not to cause a fight I just want to understand what I did to make you so mad at me for you to act the way you did. After she answers just tell her how upset it made you and what your thoughts are. Or you can do it the easy way and just come right out and tell her its not a good idea for us to hang out anymore after all that. When dealing with someone like this those are really the only things you can do, but I wish you the best of luck on this hard road.
Wow, Deppy...that is scary! I've been in similar situations...not with borrowing money, but with befriending the wrong people. Once I went to lunch with a woman I considered a friend. She spent time telling me that I was a terrible person after I confided in her. At the time, I was very depressed and nearly suicidal. She made me cry in front of everyone in the restaurant. She did not apologize for her actions. I never want to hear from her again.





This person is obviously nuts. She needs help. You need to let your neighbor know that her behavior is unacceptable. Tell her: ';I appreciate the offer, but no thanks';.





After what happened with the threats and harassment, you shouldn't even THINK about going anywhere with her.





Be nice about it, but be firm. She sounds very unstable. Please be careful.
Id just tell her straight, and very importantly id do it with a very calm voice tone, and id also tell her to never offer you anything more, as you now know it has unseen strings,and also why you feel like this. And that you consider it not a good thing to cultivate a friendship. Better to leave it like that! be friendly but do not get involved anymore. good luck
you have to tell her that you were really hurt by what she did and there was alot of damage done, it will take some time to get to a place where you feel like you can trust her to respect your feelings.





also you have to look at what was your part in all of this?....... maybe she expected that if you could have found the money for rent somewhere else for the landlord in a week or whatever, , you could have found it for her. I am pretty sure she didnt feel too loved and hurt by the fact that she was a lesser priority than your landlord month after month.......... just saying....
Just inform her you can not afford it, and feel uncomfortable with going after all thats happened.simple as, if she starts to get nasty again you can then tell her that she has just proved your point.